Get to know you questions that go past "how was your day"

01The game we played for four years

In college my friends and I kept a running list of questions. At dinner, on road trips, at any hangout, someone picked a number, read the question, and everyone answered it out loud. No theme and no rules beyond actually answering.

It started as something to do at dinner. It ended up being one of the most reliable parts of our friendships. It pulled us out of the usual updates and small talk and gave us a way into real conversation without forcing it.

02What makes a good get to know you question

• It asks for a story, not a fact. "Where did you grow up?" gets one word. "What's a place from your childhood you still think about?" gets ten minutes.
• Everyone can answer it. No trivia, nothing that needs a specific life experience.
• It has range. Some should be funny, some a little uncomfortable, some surprisingly personal. The mix is what keeps people talking.
• There's no right answer. The best ones make people explain their opinions and admit things they normally wouldn't say.

0330 get to know you questions to start with

Easy openers

1. What's the best thing you ate this month?
2. What's a small thing that instantly makes your day better?
3. What's your most-used app that isn't social media?
4. What's a hill you will die on that doesn't matter at all?
5. What did you want to be when you were ten?
6. What's the last thing you got really excited about?
7. What's your go-to order at your favorite restaurant?
8. Where would you go if someone handed you a plane ticket tonight?
9. What's a trend you secretly liked?
10. What does a perfect Sunday look like for you?

Funny ones

11. What's the most embarrassing thing in your camera roll right now?
12. What's a completely irrational fear you have?
13. What's the worst advice you've ever followed?
14. Which friend in this group would survive longest in a horror movie?
15. What's a lie you told as a kid that got way out of hand?
16. What would your walk-up song be?
17. What's something everyone loves that you just don't get?
18. What's the pettiest reason you've ever stopped liking someone?
19. What's the weirdest compliment you've ever gotten?
20. If your life had a laugh track, which moment this week would get the biggest laugh?

Deeper ones

21. What's one thing that influences how you live your life every day?
22. What are you searching for most in your life right now?
23. When were you most disappointed in yourself?
24. What's something you changed your mind about in the last year?
25. Who has shaped you the most without knowing it?
26. What's a version of yourself you've outgrown?
27. What do people usually get wrong about you?
28. What's the best decision you almost didn't make?
29. What are you proud of that nobody really knows about?
30. What do you want more of in the next year, and what's stopping you?

04How to use them without it feeling like an interview

1. Everyone answers the same question. That's what makes it a conversation and not a job interview.
2. Pick by number, not by choice. Someone calls out a number and you read whatever it is. The randomness is the fun part.
3. Mix the weights. A deep question after two funny ones lands better than three deep ones in a row.
4. Passing is allowed. One pass per night keeps it safe enough that people actually open up on the rest.
5. Keep the list somewhere everyone can reach. A shared note on your phones means it comes out at every dinner.

05The full list of 895

Our list grew to 895 questions over four years of dinners, road trips and hangouts. It's the most-read thing I've ever published.

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